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there is this really sullen feeling hanging over my house this… - ashley joalene. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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[Sep. 4th, 2006//09:59 am]
ashley joalene.
[what am i listening to? |ANGELS AND AIRWAVES it hurts.]


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there is this really sullen feeling hanging over my house this morning. i don't know what it is or why i feel it, but it sucks. i wish there was someone online right now. i wish i didn't have to wait till 5 tonight to see my brother, even though i'm still kind of pissed at him. i'm nauseous and have the shivers.

i drove past blakes house on the way home from mindy's last night. the lighting inside was warm and there were multiple cars in the driveway. i cried, it's sad that he can't be there with them. his death is still hitting me hard. i have no idea why. i drive past his grave all the time, waiting for them to put his headstone up.

i want to say things, inspirational things. i want to give the best advice someone has ever received. i want to be able to listen fully. i want to be everything to someone. i want to be someone that the person before wasn't. i want to be looked up to. i want someone to see something in me that i don't see in myself. i want words to form and make sense. i want to be missed. i want to be greater than i ever expected myself to be. i want to be someone's best friend.


i don't want to be me anymore.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: demolitiondance
2006-09-04 03:32 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: wetpatiofloor
2006-09-04 05:35 pm (UTC)

i've missed you greatly.
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[User Picture]From: copyroomlullaby
2006-09-04 04:15 pm (UTC)
you are my best friend.
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[User Picture]From: wetpatiofloor
2006-09-04 05:37 pm (UTC)

why is that all it takes to make my day brighter?

i know that. it's just weird. i was in a funk this morning, i guess.

you are my best friend.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: (Anonymous)
2006-09-04 07:48 pm (UTC)
Ashley I look up to you a great deal. & I'm pretty sure that both Adam and I see things in you that you have no idea ever existed inside you. I love you.
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From: to_thegrave
2006-09-04 07:51 pm (UTC)
THATS ME. sorry.
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[User Picture]From: col222
2006-09-05 02:45 am (UTC)
i want to be someone's best friend too.
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